Much has been learned from supporting individual gun violence survivors in many places over many years. While there are common and shared reactions and responses (e.g., profound, unimaginable grief and pain), it’s been very useful to learn the different ways survivors cope and how they process their grief.
For us, the path forward has been activism—working with individuals, educating people about the critical need for sensible gun control, and advocating for common-sense gun safety and accountability measures at the state and federal levels.
We knew we needed and wanted to help. We didn’t know at the outset that our non-profit would grow into its present form.
For many, self-healing and helping immediate family and friends are the primary objectives from Day 1. Sometimes, this leads to volunteerism or other involvement with a local, state, or national gun violence control organization.
No matter what form it takes, gun violence survivors first and foremost must find ways to heal themselves. There are many support resources during the journey. It’s akin to being in an airliner when oxygen masks descend. This traumatic situation is addressed by the adult putting on a mask first, then helping children and others. You’ve got to help yourself breathe first!
Survivor Tips
With profound condolences to all gun violence survivors and profound gratitude to all who have helped us along the way, following are a few key survivor tips to make the healing journey more positive and productive:
- Accept that you likely will have both fight and flight feelings as you heal. Emotions can feel like a never-ending roller coaster. They can range from wanting to crawl under the covers and never leave to lashing out at everyone either directly or indirectly connected with the gun violence that irrevocably altered your life. While withdrawal or anger toward both person(s) directly responsible and those indirectly culpable can make your brain feel like it’s sloshing from side to side, finding a safe and sound middle ground is the eventual aim. The feelings are perfectly normal and justifiable. Ultimately, though, recovery to some extent relies on finding peace and hopefully joy. That middle ground can be an excellent launch pad for both.
- Allow yourself to limit exposure to news, social media, and other external influences and information that might trigger fight or flight responses. Regardless of how voraciously you may have waded into those waters before, it’s now a different world for you. Part of your healing occurs when not being constantly exposed to incendiary, irresponsible, or tragic reports that can be constant triggers.
- Don’t try to force too much healing too quickly. Fully grieve. Many gun violence survivors “force” their healing by trying to “move on” too quickly. Jumping into something new in the gun control industry or elsewhere can be tremendously healing and supportive at the right time. Doing it too soon can distract from the grieving process—which takes time no matter how resolute or resilient the survivor.
- Get the best help. Take the time to research the right resources for you. Fortunately, many free and minimal-charge support organizations and practitioners now exist—in areas ranging from trauma therapy to mindfulness—to help based on the challenges at hand. But, this can be a double-edged sword. In an effort to find the right resources, it can feel overwhelming to vet the best choices given everything out there. While reviews obviously can help, checking out advisors and resources posted by a third party can be a good idea. Another option is to find a reputable organization that’s well-recognized and respected for additional accountability.