Mindfulness is a puzzle. You don’t fit together all the pieces at once. It takes time to learn and practice the tips and techniques. And it’s not a one-size-fits-all solution. Everyone is different. Every situation is different. Every part of the world is constantly changing, posing new and different challenges for mindfulness to address.
AI tells us that “Mindfulness is a practice of being aware of and engaged in the present moment without judgment. It’s a type of meditation that can help reduce stress and relax the body and mind.”
Mayo Clinic’s interpretation is similar: “Mindfulness is a type of meditation in which you focus on being intensely aware of what you’re sensing and feeling in the moment, without interpretation or judgment. Practicing mindfulness involves breathing methods, guided imagery, and other practices to relax the body and mind and help reduce stress.”
Another way of viewing mindfulness is to ask yourself, “Who do I want to be in this moment?” People can change thoughts and perceptions to deal with the immediate moment ahead (although it’s more easily said than done, particularly when facing trauma). One relatively simple example is the in-the-moment decision a driver makes about angrily disparaging a rude driver or just letting it go and staying safe.
Great concept. Getting from concept to practicing mindfulness as a habit is an ongoing process with many potential outcomes.
Given how busy most everybody is, making the time to learn and turn mindfulness into a habit often feels like a stretch—until a massive trauma (such as the death of a child due to gun violence) strikes. Then grief and sorrow replace all the “busy-ness” with one massive focus: overwhelming emotional pain and sense of loss.
It’s one thing to ignore a troublesome driver. Losing a child to gun violence is in another league (many would say “universe”) entirely. But, learning and practicing mindfulness can prove very helpful—enabling violence survivors to exercise some degree of control over how they deal with and respond to the enormous trauma of losing a loved one.
For most survivors of major trauma, one of the most challenging aspects is inability near-term and often beyond to think about anything but the violent event and ensuing loss. People withdraw, lash out angrily, cry uncontrollably, feel consumed by the tragedy, and try to find anything that will salve the massive emotional wound.
While much has been written about mindfulness, how to do it, and the results achieved, there are some simple cornerstones of mindfulness that easily and quickly frame its most endearing and enduring qualities.
Control what and how you think
Mindfulness enables people to exert more control over their thoughts instead of the other way around. Mindfulness has been around in various forms and cultures for thousands of years. More recently, in 2008, author Eckhart Tolle emphasized in his book A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose that no one needs to be a prisoner of one’s thoughts. Grabbing hold of this idea and making it a habit is key to transforming the mind of a trauma survivor from hopelessness and despair to joy.
Many paths to mindfulness
There are many ways to access and learn mindfulness. Options include reading and research on their own, webinars, one-on-one discussions, joining like-minded groups, and retreats. The idea is to embrace in a way that feels right, then learn and practice so that it becomes a habit—ever-mindful that it’s a journey to joy.
Some immerse themselves. A Mindful.org article addressing the healing of gun violence article notes one such immersion: “One of the most potent tools they have is mindfulness. What began for Sandy [Phillips, co-founder with husband Lonnie of Survivors Empowered] in her therapist’s office was solidified when she met meditation teacher and Pandemic of Love founder Shelly Tygielski after the school shooting in Parkland, Florida…Together, they planned a retreat in Massachusetts.”
Sandy Phillips points out in the article, “We brought in 40 survivors from all over the country…to see them go through that process of being able to let go through mindfulness practices—you could just see them become lighter people. I don’t think anybody left there unchanged.”
Then, the Phillipses dove further—into an intensive eight-week mindfulness study. Notes a San Diego Channel 10 report: “But it wasn’t until they participated in a research study run by Fadel Zeidan at the University of California at San Diego that they felt their own souls begin to rest…Zeidan connected with Sandy and Lonnie Phillips and dozens of other gun violence survivors across the country, and spent eight weeks practicing mindfulness…‘Within the time period of the class, I had gone off of my sleeping medication, my blood pressure had gone down,’ said Sandy…With mindfulness training, the survivors found PTSD and depression decreased by 52%, self-reported trauma decreased by 37%, and grief decreased by 23%.”
Cautions Sandy Phillips, “I think people think that once I learn this, I’m going to be fixed, you know, and it isn’t a fix, it’s a practice,” said Sandy. “You have to keep practicing it or that is going to go away, and then you’re going to start all over again.”…The Phillipses want other survivors to see the peace they’ve found and know: while grief will never vanish, there is hope…“We will never heal from the loss of our daughter. We will learn how to cope with the loss of our daughter and honor her in ways that we wouldn’t be able to had we not become involved with mindfulness,” said Sandy.
Mindfulness can work with anybody, anytime, anywhere
With notable exceptions, mindfulness isn’t about a guru going into a meditative trance at the top of a mountain for days. It can be accessed and used in personal and professional settings to deal more effectively with weighty challenges.
For example, when engaged in a meaningful discussion with a family member, friend, colleague, co-workers, or peers, mindfulness can serve as an excellent way to provide thoughtful responses or suggestions. Determine “who I want to be in this moment” and then communicate accordingly. Among many other benefits, mindfulness can lessen the number of awkward, angry, fearful, or inappropriate statements made in the heat of a moment.
For trauma sufferers, taking some mindful moments to just breathe can be huge. Besides the positive physiological elements of deep, rhythmic breathing, it provides brief breaks from the worst, most heartbreaking thoughts that constantly assault those who’ve been traumatized.
This is just the tip of the iceberg about ways to learn, practice, and use mindfulness to improve state of mind in even the most difficult circumstances. But, no matter what exercises, meditations and/or commitment, mindfulness can be contagious.
To that end, sharing ideas, techniques, and successes with others can be well worth the effort—making familiarity breed contentment instead of contempt. Mindfulness can transform fraught relationships into mutually beneficial exchanges and better communication. In turn, this lessens pain, anxiety, anger, and fear (all of which are way too plentiful in today’s world).
In assessing her commitment to mindfulness, Sandy Phillips notes, “I could focus on how horrible Jessi’s death was and continues to be. But I choose to focus on how we’ve been able to lessen others’ pain. So it’s a good life. And that’s what we want survivors to understand: As horrible as life is without your loved one, it can still be a good life. There’ll always be a hole in your heart and there’ll always be a chair empty at the table…You can find joy and peace again.”
For more information on Survivors Empowered gun violence survivor resources and therapies, visit the Survivors Empowered website. Mindfulness-specific website information can be found here.